im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
