Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
