i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
