Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What a dumb baby whore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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