he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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