Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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