I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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