last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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