Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
