so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
did you just send me my own nude
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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