TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
