There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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