I just saw a hot homeless man
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
