Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
