I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
