Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize