so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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