Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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