i jhust puked up my retainher.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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