Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
third nipple confirmed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
