I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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