You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
