ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
