The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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