I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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