non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like eating out sand paper
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
