When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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