How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
