Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
