Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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