I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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