Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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