very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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