Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
