The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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