When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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