dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
