i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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