ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
