I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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