I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
