this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
