there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
