Fuck appropriateness.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
