Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize