he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she told me i tasted like america
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
