Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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