i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this just has baby written all over it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bring money and cleavage
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
