I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
