Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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