I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
