he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
