I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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