I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize