he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
