You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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