I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
