so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize