I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
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