Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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