I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
