U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
