She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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